Robinson Ramblings

On March 2 Rich had an 10:00 appointment with his neurologist in Lakeland. We left the house at 7:30 so that we would have plenty of time to get gas and get to the Watson clinic on time even if we encountered heavy traffic. I didn't feel good when I got up and so I decided not to take my morning meds until after our doctor's appointment. I thought that we would go out for breakfast and then I'd take my meds. Meanwhile, I had a very severe case of heartburn. We stopped at WaWa in Sebring before we "hit the road." I bought us a coffee to share but decided that my heart burn was bothering me too much to drink coffee. Instead, I bought myself a bottle of water. By this time, I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I was having trouble breathing. However, we had been waiting many months to see Rich's neurologist and I convinced myself that I would soon feel better. Mind over matter! Unfortunately, I felt worse with each mile that we traveled. Eventual...

At the end of February, our dear friends, Kay and Dennis Monroe, found out how much Rich missed our pets. We left our Cairn Terrier, Ferguson, with Kelly Lynae and our cat, Henrietta, with Hollie in Idaho. Pets are not allowed in the villas in which we live. Kay researched "plush toy therapy pets" and ordered one for Rich. He absolutely loves Stella and she seems very real to him. It is amazing how much comfort and joy this kitty has given to Rich (and me). Thank you, Denny and Kay!

Kelly Lynae and her daddy enjoying the view at Lake Jackson on her recent visit. This is a blog entry that I started in February. I haven't written a blog post for months. It isn't because there is nothing going on with our continued journey with dementia. It is often overwhelming and exhausting to deal with all that I have to do and writing things down in an organized manner seems too much to tackle. A week ago on Sunday morning, Rich fell going to the bathroom (at 7 a.m.). I was in our bedroom at the time so I didn't see what happened. Rich said that he just slipped on the bathroom floor. However, since he has been quite steady on his feet and there was no water to slip on or crumbled rug to trip over, I thought that there was more to the story. I helped him up and got him over to the couch. I could see that he was exhausted and I made the decision that we would stay home from church to keep an eye on him. He promptly fell asleep and slept until 11:30. After eatin...

I need to note the amazing relationship that Rich has with all of his girls. He is so proud of his daughters and loves spending time with them. Since Rich's love language is quality time, his favorite time has been the times he has shared with all of us. He loves playing games. Settlers, Chess, Can't Stop, Backgammon, Risk, Monopoly, Uno, Ticket to Ride, Zap (or Farkle), Yahtzee, and Sequence are some of his favorites. All the time the girls were growing up, Rich would spend hours playing games with them. When we lived with the Watsons, he loved to walk Levi and Hazel with Becca. He loved helping Hollie unload hay for Gigi and going on long hikes with Hollie and Van and Lou. He adored skiing with Kelly at Bogus Basin. Rich and I used to play games, read, take walks, look at Open Houses, talk, go out to eat, and generally do everything together. Although we can't do all of those things now, I am thankful for the memories. He is still my best friend. We are so grateful for t...

It is the time for sweatshirts and jackets, pumpkin patches, and walking your dog with your feet crunching the red, orange, and gold leaves. I have always loved fall - the crisp air, the smell of fireplaces and bonfires, and sipping on a hot pumpkin spice latte. It is probably my favorite time of year, weather-wise. I wonder then, how I found myself in Florida. Now to be fair, the days are cooler. Mornings are a nippy 72 degrees and the temperature has only gone up to a high of 85 degrees of late. Trust me, that is a blessing after the hot summer. However, there is no need of bundling up on strolls around the neighborhood. I wish that I could experience a Minnesota, or Colorado, or Idaho fall right now (these are the states that we have lived in the past five decades). They are all known for stunning displays of fall leaves and the aforementioned blissful experiences. We are in Florida, quite simply because God put us here. It is the right place for this time of our life. We are surr...

In the wee hours of Monday, July 18, Rich had another Grand Mal Seizure. He fell out of bed, bit his tongue, and hit his head and neck on the bedside table. As I called 9-1-1, I wondered if Rich would survive this latest health crisis. Of course, since there was blood on his face, his shirt, and the carpet - it looked very scary. The ambulance came within ten minutes of my call and woke up our neighbors, Art and Gina Maxwell, with the bright flashing lights. Art came out and offered to take me to the hospital. This was a blessing! Later they dropped off our car for me. I am so thankful for the community that we live in - they truly serve one another in love! Once Rich came out of the seizure, he was confused and very insistent on getting out of bed and going home. He had no strength to stand on his own and it took two of us (a male CNA and myself) to get him into a wheelchair to go to the bathroom down the hall and help him to use the facilities. It didn't matter that it was un...

Saying that I am learning to love unconditionally sounds pompous. It is not meant to be - I am learning that I have a long way to go to love my husband in a selfless and unconditional way. We have a good life, and I am so thankful that we can still share our life together. However, as Rich continues to lose his memory and his inhibitions, I must lean into the truths of God's Word to exhibit the fruits of the spirit - to be kind, patient, joyful, and loving. One area that has been a struggle for Rich is self-control. Rich loves to eat junk food. I make him good meals and I buy some snacks that are meant to be eaten a little at a time (at least that is my idea), but Rich will eat a bag of chips in one or two days. I offer to put some in a bowl for him so I can hopefully help him make the chips last longer. He wants snacks every day, but with grocery prices so high, we can't afford buying four bags of chips a week. Also, he has put on weight and I don't want him to be load...

So much has happened over the last couple of months that it is difficult to know how to chronicle the events. First of all, we are loving the beautiful weather during this time of year. We did not miss the snow, cold, wind, etc. of Idaho this winter! We did get a smattering of all of the seasons of spring when we spent two weeks in the Treasure Valley to meet our newest grandson and visit family and friends. The saying is that if you don't like the weather in Idaho, wait 15 minutes and it will change. Idaho did not disappoint!! We experienced snow, wind, rain, sleet, cold, and a few sunny and warmish days, as well. Our new grandbaby is so very wonderful and perfect. I was so priviledged to help care for him (yes, even spoil him) for the two weeks that we were in town. Our wonderful friends, Debbie and Doug Rowland, opened their cozy home to us. Although we didn't get to see Doug because he was working in Alaska during the month of April, Debbie was the perfect hostess. Having t...

Today I sat with Rich when a new nurse came out to the house to evaluate Rich's health progress. Physically he is doing well. He still uses a cane when he goes out walking because he is still a little unsteady on his feet. However, his stamina seems to be back to normal. He struggles in other areas. He doesn't remember the day of the week (even after I've told him several times), he doesn't know the city or state where we now reside, he can't remember his age (he told one gentleman in our neighborhood that he was 80), and he goes out numerous times during the day to get the mail (even after he has already brought it inside). On Saturday Rich asked me if Becca went to bed already. I explained that she was probably still awake because it was only 7 p.m. in Idaho where she lives. He thought for awhile and then asked "Who is the girl that is living with us, then?" I answered that just the two of us lived in our house. Rich is often confused but usually quit...

It is a new experience for us to put up Christmas lights in 80 degree weather. To wear sandals and summery clothes while setting up our Christmas tree was strange. I've always lived in places where cold and snow are synonymous with winter so I thought that I would miss it. I miss the our family and friends, the Indian Creek light display and skating rink, Christmas decorations and watching the skaters in the Village at Meridian, and watching snow come down (while cozy in my house) but not driving in the snow or bundling up against the cold winds. All in all, I think that both of us are getting used to a warm Christmas! Most of you know that we lived with our daughter, Becca, and her family for the past 3 years. This spring it became evident that we needed more resources to aid in caring for Rich. He was approved to receive Medicaid in Idaho in June which helped us financially. However, although he was approved to get up to 20 hours of companion care per week, the local agenci...

Honestly, I thought that we might have a little bit of a tough time moving across the country. Everything is different - topography, weather, shopping, people....but God has been so gracious to us. We have made the transition to living in Florida and are learning our way around Sebring and the neighboring vicinity. We LOVE our new home, our new neighbors, and being close to my siblings. We've had company for dinner and gone out to eat several times with family and friends. We enjoy frequently getting together with my sister and sister-in-law for morning coffee. Our neighbor, Art, hangs out with Rich so I can take part in some activities here at the Village. We've had such fun with he and his dear wife, Gina, - listening to music, playing games, and even sharing meals. We go for numerous walks daily around the beautiful campus of Maranatha Village. I've been able to take part in the water aerobics class at the pool. We feel like we are on a constant vacation! Rich comments...

This past month and a half we have felt like we were on a roller-coaster and merry-go-round all at the same time! The Monday after we came back from Family Camp at Camp Pinewood in McCall, we toured four 55+ apartments in the Treasure Valley. They were either too expensive, too small and stinky (a non-smoking place that reeked of smoke), or the wait was verrrrrrry loooooong! I had been looking for the best possible apartments for two months and praying that God would open up a door for us to go through for this next step of our lives. The next day, I got an email from my brother listing seven villas that were available at Maranatha Village in Sebring, FL where he, his wife, and my sister and her husband live. Gerry's wife, Connie, and my sister, Cheryl, went to each of the places and took pictures. The price of these cute villas (duplexes) was very affordable! I felt that God was opening a door, however, Rich had been opposed to moving to Florida when I talked about it in the past....

Our Marriage You are my one true love,             my best friend, my confidant. You always believe in me even when I don't -          y ou tell me to "breathe" and cheer me on. You tell me "I have a gift"           w hen you look at my crafts Although I know that my talents are not extraordinary           somehow your belief in me spurs me on to do more. You are a dreamer and I am a realist             Even though it seems counterintuitive - your dreams keep me centered. They encourage me to see the beauty all around me            while I look forward to what "can be." We don't put on big shindigs to show our love for each other           we go for walks, share coffee and conversations, go camping. Our life hasn't been about events but about the small moments  ...

Becca got me a copy of the summer "Magnolia Journal" for my birthday. I read these beautiful thoughts in an arti cle called "No Looking Back."  excerpt:   "Uncap your pen and feel that beat of anticipation as your hand draws close to the page.  Note if your thoughts arrange themselves in a slightly different way or your mind unravels sentences at a more purposeful pace. All of it leading to the thrill of seeing your ideas appear in front of you. From heart to mind to paper. With the act of writing comes a bold release. What might have felt stuck or unformed - thoughts jumping around inside our minds - now are free. In letting the words out, one by one, we receive a much needed reminder. Yes, this sentence should be expressed. Yes, these ideas deserve to see the light of day. And from there, we affirm a larger truth - that what bubbles up from within us is worthy." This process has been true for me - I didn't know if my blog would resonate with anyone e...

  Rich does and says so many cute things during the day and I want to start writing them down: When we are driving somewhere, he frequently tells me what a good driver I am. Then he thanks me for driving us to the store, to visit our girls, or wherever we happened to go. I have to tell you, this makes my heart beat faster every time! Before he was encouraged to stop driving, he did all the driving when the two of us were in the car together. It was hard for him to give up driving but he is now so gracious about me doing all of it. At the end of every day, Rich says, "Thank you so much for the wonderful day. You do so much to make our days happy." Another frequent saying is: "I am the luckiest man alive having you for my wife!" or "I won the lottery when I married you!" He is absolutely the sweetest and most encouraging guy around!! I always retort that God has richly blessed us with each other! I've mentioned that Rich burps A LOT during the day. He us...

  Henry and Papa - Spring 2021 Last week we had a ladies retreat at the home of one of the ladies from church. I worked on making the name tags for weeks and I was really looking forward to this time of fellowship and spiritual renewal. The idea was that Rich would hang out with the Watson family on Friday night from 5 to 9:30 and Saturday morning from 8:30 to 1:00 p.m. or so. Well, as things can happen with busy families, the Watsons realized that they were double booked! Evidently, Becca didn't realize that my retreat was the same weekend as Henry's soccer tournament in Sun Valley! So last Wednesday, I called Hollie and Kelly to see if that could help out with Dad. They jumped right in and it was decided that I would take Rich over to Hollie's after she got home from work on Friday and Kelly would spend a couple of hours with Rich on Saturday.  The challenge came on Friday morning of the retreat. Rich announced to me that he didn't want to go to Hollie's house tha...

One thing that I've learned throughout our journey with dementia is that there is no straight trajectory or path with this disease! I blogged about Rich's difficult day last week and two days later, he was more clear minded. We enjoyed the sweetest time of prayer together on Friday night. Rich led in prayer (it was his idea) which doesn't happen too much anymore. He was articulate and gave testimony to his trust that God has a plan and direction in his life and it includes this disease . The time together was such a balm to my soul! It is difficult to be the one who makes all the decisions and leads us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially every day. I felt that I was able to "take the day off" for a bit and have Rich support me. What a blessing it was - the fellowship with my beloved was so sweet. We have continued to have an amazing week! Rich, Becca, and I had a precious time of conversation on Tuesday night. Rich was involved in the conversati...

 I wish that I could remember all of the word mash-ups that Rich has used recently when he can't remember the word that he wants. They are so brilliant and cute! I think, oh, I need to write that down but by the time I have the chance, I have forgotten it. I am becoming more forgetful all the time. I'm not sure if that is because I have to remember more than ever or because I have been in pain.  On March 9 during Rich's "Delay the Disease" class at the YMCA, I twisted my knee and heard and felt a "pop." I went to see an orthopedic doctor on Wednesday and he referred me to Treasure Valley Hospital to get an MRI. I got the MRI the next Tuesday and then I had to wait until March 23 to find out what was going on with my knee (arthritis, torn meniscus, wear and tear). Meanwhile, it is giving me lots of sass and backtalking!! Then to make things more interesting, Becca came down with the COVID-19 virus. She was very sick and so both of us have been laid up.  W...

Becca got a dozen purple roses from Brent delivered to her at work and although it was super sweet, it made me realize that unless I gave Rich the ideas and took him shopping, he would never again do something special for me on Valentine's Day.  Rich has always enjoyed picking out a special card for me for Valentine's Day (and birthdays, Mother's Day, Anniversaries, etc.). He would spend hours looking for the perfect card and gift to surprise me.  Of course, Rich didn't remember that Valentine's Day was on Sunday.  The gifts aren't what I miss - it is how excited that he would get. Although gifts are not primarily Rich's love language, he does like to give them on special days. He is like a kid when he gives me a gift. I could NEVER return anything that he gave me for Christmas or birthdays - it would crush him because he would get so emotionally invested in the gift. A few times during our marriage, I had to exchange a clothing item for a different size, bu...

I read a post on Facebook recently about how a woman came to appreciate the way her husband loved her and it resonated with me. I sometimes longed for a man who would bring me flowers (or have them delivered to me at work) for birthdays, anniversaries, or just because. . . Throughout the years, Rich did bring me flowers a few times and I loved it! He had flowers delivered to work once or twice in almost 43 years of marriage. However, giving gifts isn't really his love language. His love language is acts of service and words of affirmation.  Every morning before I have my life giving cup of coffee that, by the way, he usually makes - Rich has made our bed. He is a master bed maker! At night when I go to the bathroom to use the facilities and brush my teeth, he turns down our bed. He spreads out another blanket on my side of the bed because he likes the bedspread down but he knows that I get cold. He even "turns down" the covers and so getting into bed makes me feel loved e...