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New Challenges

 

Henry and Papa - Spring 2021



Last week we had a ladies retreat at the home of one of the ladies from church. I worked on making the name tags for weeks and I was really looking forward to this time of fellowship and spiritual renewal. The idea was that Rich would hang out with the Watson family on Friday night from 5 to 9:30 and Saturday morning from 8:30 to 1:00 p.m. or so. Well, as things can happen with busy families, the Watsons realized that they were double booked! Evidently, Becca didn't realize that my retreat was the same weekend as Henry's soccer tournament in Sun Valley! So last Wednesday, I called Hollie and Kelly to see if that could help out with Dad. They jumped right in and it was decided that I would take Rich over to Hollie's after she got home from work on Friday and Kelly would spend a couple of hours with Rich on Saturday. 

The challenge came on Friday morning of the retreat. Rich announced to me that he didn't want to go to Hollie's house that evening. He felt that he would lose things if he went with her out to dinner (his phone, his wallet, his hearing aides).  I suspected that he felt insecure that I wasn't going to be with him. Each time that we visit Kelly or Hollie Rich feels that it is his first time visiting them. It is disconcerting for him to go without me because I am his constant - someone that he knows will watch out for him. Because he was so upset with any discussion of going to Hollie's, I dropped the subject for the time being. I texted Hollie and explained the situation and asked if she could call her dad on her lunch break and reassure him that he could trust her to take care of all of his concerns. She did so and so with some reluctance, Rich allowed me to take him to Hollie's place. He ending up having a marvelous time with Hollie and Jill. 

It has been difficult for Rich to accept the fact that he needs to have someone stay with him when I am gone for any length of time. Each day I go pick up Henry and Jack after school and I'm gone for 1/2 hour. Rich sometimes stays home alone during this time. Last week he decided to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I was gone. He spent the entire time looking for the ingredients and when we returned home, he was very upset and frustrated. It was overwhelming for him to not be able to care for himself. I explained to him that if he stayed alone for 2  or 3 hours, there was a possibility that it would be emotionally draining for him (as well as potentially dangerous). I explained that I love him too much to put him through that trauma. That seemed to make sense to him and he accepted my reasoning.

I was reminded again of how much he relies and counts on me this morning at church. I sang on the worship team this a.m. I needed to be at church at 8:30 a.m. to practice and after practice, I taught my preschool Sunday School class. Rich was "on his own" during the Sunday School hour. Although he really enjoys our pastor's teaching, I could tell that he was stressed when I rejoined him.  He expressed how uncomfortable he felt sitting alone the previous hour. We have lovely people at our church that would sit with him but he doesn't want to "feel vulnerable." He doesn't know how to tell others when he is confused or overwhelmed. He is always surprised that so many people greet him by name because he doesn't remember their names or if he has met them before.

I realized that I need to rethink being so involved in different ministries because it is too hard on Rich when he is on his own. I have always been involved in music and working with children. They are both passions of mine. However, everything has a time and place in our lives and Rich needs to be my main focus. I want to care for him with love and joy. 

Lord, help me to remember that I am serving you when I serve my husband. He is so sweet and tender to me and I want him to know that I love caring for him. Thank you for the time away last weekend when I could be refreshed and have fellowship with other ladies. Help me to find ways to take breaks every so often so that I don't burn out. Thank you for your grace to both Rich and I!
Amen  




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