Robinson Ramblings

Our Marriage You are my one true love,             my best friend, my confidant. You always believe in me even when I don't -          y ou tell me to "breathe" and cheer me on. You tell me "I have a gift"           w hen you look at my crafts Although I know that my talents are not extraordinary           somehow your belief in me spurs me on to do more. You are a dreamer and I am a realist             Even though it seems counterintuitive - your dreams keep me centered. They encourage me to see the beauty all around me            while I look forward to what "can be." We don't put on big shindigs to show our love for each other           we go for walks, share coffee and conversations, go camping. Our life hasn't been about events but about the small moments  ...

Becca got me a copy of the summer "Magnolia Journal" for my birthday. I read these beautiful thoughts in an arti cle called "No Looking Back."  excerpt:   "Uncap your pen and feel that beat of anticipation as your hand draws close to the page.  Note if your thoughts arrange themselves in a slightly different way or your mind unravels sentences at a more purposeful pace. All of it leading to the thrill of seeing your ideas appear in front of you. From heart to mind to paper. With the act of writing comes a bold release. What might have felt stuck or unformed - thoughts jumping around inside our minds - now are free. In letting the words out, one by one, we receive a much needed reminder. Yes, this sentence should be expressed. Yes, these ideas deserve to see the light of day. And from there, we affirm a larger truth - that what bubbles up from within us is worthy." This process has been true for me - I didn't know if my blog would resonate with anyone e...

  Rich does and says so many cute things during the day and I want to start writing them down: When we are driving somewhere, he frequently tells me what a good driver I am. Then he thanks me for driving us to the store, to visit our girls, or wherever we happened to go. I have to tell you, this makes my heart beat faster every time! Before he was encouraged to stop driving, he did all the driving when the two of us were in the car together. It was hard for him to give up driving but he is now so gracious about me doing all of it. At the end of every day, Rich says, "Thank you so much for the wonderful day. You do so much to make our days happy." Another frequent saying is: "I am the luckiest man alive having you for my wife!" or "I won the lottery when I married you!" He is absolutely the sweetest and most encouraging guy around!! I always retort that God has richly blessed us with each other! I've mentioned that Rich burps A LOT during the day. He us...

  Henry and Papa - Spring 2021 Last week we had a ladies retreat at the home of one of the ladies from church. I worked on making the name tags for weeks and I was really looking forward to this time of fellowship and spiritual renewal. The idea was that Rich would hang out with the Watson family on Friday night from 5 to 9:30 and Saturday morning from 8:30 to 1:00 p.m. or so. Well, as things can happen with busy families, the Watsons realized that they were double booked! Evidently, Becca didn't realize that my retreat was the same weekend as Henry's soccer tournament in Sun Valley! So last Wednesday, I called Hollie and Kelly to see if that could help out with Dad. They jumped right in and it was decided that I would take Rich over to Hollie's after she got home from work on Friday and Kelly would spend a couple of hours with Rich on Saturday.  The challenge came on Friday morning of the retreat. Rich announced to me that he didn't want to go to Hollie's house tha...

One thing that I've learned throughout our journey with dementia is that there is no straight trajectory or path with this disease! I blogged about Rich's difficult day last week and two days later, he was more clear minded. We enjoyed the sweetest time of prayer together on Friday night. Rich led in prayer (it was his idea) which doesn't happen too much anymore. He was articulate and gave testimony to his trust that God has a plan and direction in his life and it includes this disease . The time together was such a balm to my soul! It is difficult to be the one who makes all the decisions and leads us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially every day. I felt that I was able to "take the day off" for a bit and have Rich support me. What a blessing it was - the fellowship with my beloved was so sweet. We have continued to have an amazing week! Rich, Becca, and I had a precious time of conversation on Tuesday night. Rich was involved in the conversati...

 I wish that I could remember all of the word mash-ups that Rich has used recently when he can't remember the word that he wants. They are so brilliant and cute! I think, oh, I need to write that down but by the time I have the chance, I have forgotten it. I am becoming more forgetful all the time. I'm not sure if that is because I have to remember more than ever or because I have been in pain.  On March 9 during Rich's "Delay the Disease" class at the YMCA, I twisted my knee and heard and felt a "pop." I went to see an orthopedic doctor on Wednesday and he referred me to Treasure Valley Hospital to get an MRI. I got the MRI the next Tuesday and then I had to wait until March 23 to find out what was going on with my knee (arthritis, torn meniscus, wear and tear). Meanwhile, it is giving me lots of sass and backtalking!! Then to make things more interesting, Becca came down with the COVID-19 virus. She was very sick and so both of us have been laid up.  W...

Becca got a dozen purple roses from Brent delivered to her at work and although it was super sweet, it made me realize that unless I gave Rich the ideas and took him shopping, he would never again do something special for me on Valentine's Day.  Rich has always enjoyed picking out a special card for me for Valentine's Day (and birthdays, Mother's Day, Anniversaries, etc.). He would spend hours looking for the perfect card and gift to surprise me.  Of course, Rich didn't remember that Valentine's Day was on Sunday.  The gifts aren't what I miss - it is how excited that he would get. Although gifts are not primarily Rich's love language, he does like to give them on special days. He is like a kid when he gives me a gift. I could NEVER return anything that he gave me for Christmas or birthdays - it would crush him because he would get so emotionally invested in the gift. A few times during our marriage, I had to exchange a clothing item for a different size, bu...

I read a post on Facebook recently about how a woman came to appreciate the way her husband loved her and it resonated with me. I sometimes longed for a man who would bring me flowers (or have them delivered to me at work) for birthdays, anniversaries, or just because. . . Throughout the years, Rich did bring me flowers a few times and I loved it! He had flowers delivered to work once or twice in almost 43 years of marriage. However, giving gifts isn't really his love language. His love language is acts of service and words of affirmation.  Every morning before I have my life giving cup of coffee that, by the way, he usually makes - Rich has made our bed. He is a master bed maker! At night when I go to the bathroom to use the facilities and brush my teeth, he turns down our bed. He spreads out another blanket on my side of the bed because he likes the bedspread down but he knows that I get cold. He even "turns down" the covers and so getting into bed makes me feel loved e...

I was the elementary librarian at Christine Donnell School of the Arts for 9 years. I absolutely loved my job! My favorite part of the job was getting the students excited about reading. I am a lover of books of all kinds and my students knew it! Each day I would end our library time by reminding my kiddos to READ, READ, READ, READ, READ! We used our five fingers to count out how to be a better reader! One year I gave the students the challenge of reading 100,000 minutes in one month. If they reached their goal, our principal, Mrs. Perry and I would dye our hair pink and kiss a pig!! The kids were so pumped to see their beloved principal and crazy librarian with pink hair and kissing a pig! They read like crazy and reached the goal so I had to deliver the prize.  The problem was that the mild, sweet potbellied pig that I had used when I worked as the program director at the Meridian Library had passed away. I searched in vain for another potbellied pig to carry out my promise. Unfo...

December 21 was my sister, Gail, and brother-in-law, Paul's, 55th anniversary! What a a wonderful milestone and an example of commitment to each other. Thinking of their day so long ago (I was a 12 year old bridesmaid at their beautiful Christmas wedding), reminded me of my engagement story. I decided to post our story on the blog about our continued journey together. At the time of our engagement both Rich and I taught school in Denver at Silver State Christian School. Although Rich taught junior high and I taught 1st grade, we came together for staff meetings each week. We both worked with the junior high youth group at church and got to know each other through ski trips and other youth activities. We started to date in 1975 right after my Christmas vacation trip back home to Minnesota - but that is another story! Rich and I became engaged 43 years ago on Christmas Eve. We were in Minnesota for Christmas with my family (the first time everyone would meet my boyfriend) in 1977 and...

I want to share what I am learning about supporting Rich as we go through our journey with dementia. Rich has been struggling with understanding what he hears - the words don't connect and make sense to him. He is also having a difficult time with finding words to express himself. If an activity or conversation has happened in the recent past, he has no memory of it. It can be frustrating and confusing for me because I am never sure what he knows. I am learning to ask him if he understands what I am telling him.  When he struggles to find the words to tell me something - I don't jump in right away and provide the words for him. I often put a reassuring hand on his leg or arm that lets him know that I'm in no hurry and he can take his time expressing his thoughts. I am also learning not to expect him to remember ANYTHING (because he doesn't). Our cat, Henrietta was sleeping in our room and it was making sleep miserable for me because I am allergic to cat dander. We had b...

Today we attended the Delay the Disease class at the YMCA. We have a little routine that plays out twice a week when it is time for class. I'll remind Rich that we have class this morning and we need to leave at 10:00 a.m.  Rich: I don't want to go this morning. You go without me.  Me: But, honey, this class is for you. I am invited to attend because I am your ride! Rich: I don't like to have an activity that breaks up the morning. Let's skip class today. Me: We pay extra for this class, it is very helpful to both of us, and you always like it when we go. Rich: I don't want to go today. When is the next class? We can go then. Me: We are going today! You always tell me that you are glad that I make you go! Rich: (Pouty face)  It helps me stay calm and firm when I anticipate this scenario to play out.  He really does enjoy the class but he NEVER wants to go.  It is so important for Rich to continue to pursue social gatherings. It is also important to do activities...

  We are enjoying a relaxing day at home after a particularly busy few days. Sometimes I think that the emotional exhaustion is harder to deal with than the physical exhaustion.  I am reading a book called "Where The Light Gets In: Losing My Mother Only to Find Her Again" by Kimberly Willaims-Paisley. It is the story of Kimberly's mother, Linda's, journey with a neurological illness called primary progressive aphasia. This is a rare type of dementia that attacks swiftly and takes away the speech and thought processes of the victim with a vengeance. The book points out how dementia affects the entire family of the person diagnosed with the disease.  We don't know for sure what type of dementia that Rich has because he seems to have some symptoms that mimic fronto-temporal dementia, Alzheimer's dementia, and Lewy-Body dementia. Rich's neurologist thinks that he has more than one type. I am trying to read as much as I can about different types of dementia an...

 I am very excited to announce that I am feeling good at long last! I may get tired faster than I'd like but all in all, I have energy and no more symptoms from COVID. Whew, that took longer than I ever imagined! I am so thankful that I was able to recuperate slowly at home and not have to worry about taking time off of work. It is a blessing to be retired. Last Thursday Rich and I went to the YMCA for the first time in MANY months. Due to my bout with pneumonia and bronchitis this winter and our move to Middleton from Caldwell, I think the last time we attended class was in January. We attended the "Delay the Disease" class and although Rich did not remember the class or the people, he enjoyed it nonetheless. One of the activities that Rich has always loved to do together is to play games. On Saturday we tried a children's game called "Guess Who" and it was overwhelming for him. It is becoming harder to find something fun that isn't too challenging. We ...

I am feeling better today than I have since I got sick with COVID. That is such a huge praise! I still get tired easily but I find that I can do several tasks as long as I can rest in between. I had a set back a little over a week ago and felt that I was never going to feel better - it is amazing how our physical health is tied into our mental health! When I was discouraged, I would turn to the Psalms and Philippians - David and Paul both understood what it meant to trust God in times of trial and disappointment.  Philippians 4:6 & 7   " Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.     And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Rich has been wonderful throughout this illness. He is always asking me what he can do for me. He gets me water, coffee, blankets, and helps find my crochet hook or...

It is a little difficult to write about our time in McCall objectively because I tend to have rose colored glasses about vacations in general and McCall in particular. However, the week of Family Camp was a bit challenging for Rich because he was away from his regular routines at home. He was surrounded by people each day and although they were a bit familiar, he couldn't remember their names or how he knew them. Our assistant pastor, Bobby Truax, was at our breakfast table one morning and Rich whispered to me, "What is his name?" Bobby overheard the question and without skipping a beat said, "Hi Rich! My name is Bobby." Over and over throughout the week, the men at camp spent time talking to Rich (and often answering the same questions numerous times) and making him feel a part of conversations. I am so appreciative! We played games with several different groups and every person was patient with Rich when he didn't understand the rules or felt overwhelmed b...

I don't want anyone to think (including myself when I read these posts in the years to come) that we have dealt with dementia beautifully and without struggle. I hope that others that are going through this journey with loved ones will reach out for the help that is available!  First of all, we found a good neurologist (and his staff) that advocated for us and has a great bedside manner! We are so privileged to be under the care of Dr. Lawrence Green in Nampa. His office staff have been equally helpful and have helped me navigate getting the meds that Rich needs. Two of his daily meds cost over $550 per month and we needed help with those costs. I have learned to ask lots of questions, advocate for my husband, call the insurance company ALOT, and never assume anything (like if the insurance covers an occupational therapist). These lessons have been hard won and I've spent many hours on the phone - sometimes in tears! I am blessed with three daughters who are very savvy when it ...

I told Rich today that I was blogging about our journey with dementia. I felt that it was only fair that I let him know that I was making this public. He was characteristically upbeat and sweet. He said that he thought it was wonderful that I was putting down my thoughts and chronicling the road that we are walking together. He said that he wanted to use his journey to bring glory to God and point others to the Prince of Peace!  In the spirit of full disclosure, I must confess that I lost my glasses this morning. It is humbling to realize that I needed Rich's help to find them (and he did find them)! Perhaps we both need a pair of back-up glasses! 😆 We have learned to laugh at many things that are part of our lives now. Rich's meds evidently give him lots of air bubbles and he belches long and loud (and dare I say - proud)!! I have to admit that the many noises that he emits is a bit irritating at times but usually we bust up and LAUGH! What can you do?  Rich's favorite sh...

Last year I memorized Psalm 139 and I am so grateful that David reminded me that God sees, knows, and cares about everything that is going on in my life. It has been and will continue to be a journey of faith and the purpose for this blog is so I can look back and remember what God has done in my life and hopefully, chronicle my growth through the journey. I am continually grieving the loss of my soul mate, my lover, my rock. I am realizing anew that God is the only one that can fill the void in my heart. I thought that I knew that truth before but now I realize how much stability and confidence I put in the team of “Rich and Cilla.” Many days I feel like a single person even though I’m not a widow. It is a strange reality that I often feel like I’m a couple of one! I know that doesn’t make sense – believe me, it doesn’t make sense to live in that reality either. You see, I can’t really share the struggles and cares of life with Rich anymore because it is too overwhelming or confusing ...

It is July 20 and the temperature is slated to get up to 95 degrees. It has been very hot over the past week but we have been enjoying summer to the fullest. Most days Rich and I sit outside on the front porch and have our morning coffee and our Bible reading. Now that our patio has been enlarged in the backyard, we’ve been sitting out there in the evenings. Our front yard gets the shade in the mornings (actually until about 2 p.m.) and our backyard gets the afternoon and evening shade. It is really the perfect scenario. Rich has been doing great! He is happy and upbeat most of the time. He gets confused and a bit disoriented in the evenings especially but even then he has been so sweet. The other night he asked me when his memory condition started. It was a hard question to answer because I’m not exactly sure. I knew that he had a problem the summer of 2017 and that we needed help moving forward. However, in actuality I had been wondering what was going on for a couple of years prior ...